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      April 29, 2016When I Say I Bruise EasilyKelsey Hagarman

      I mean you played movies when you wanted
      sex. Abstinence in the temporary form
      of Tarantino bloodbaths we had seen
      before. After you led me by the hand
      straight to the dark basement, I met the epileptic dog
      you were paid too much to watch over summer
      vacation. Work was easy then—rich white boy
      house-sitting turned couch-sitting on red leather,
      smooth enough for gawky limbs to slide
      across the basement distance. Near the film’s middle,
      you pulled me to your lap and kissed to keep me
      quiet. Speak, I want to hear about the time
      I couldn’t tell the difference from your bruises
      and the dog’s again. Once, you were in New York
      and said the city reminded you of me—
      today I found a welt on my arm
      and thought of you and your girlfriend—
      she’s happy she makes you happy,
      according to her Twitter, everything is
      better. Worse things have happened:
      the same fingers made warm inside yours
      also trembled to type the lie I found someone else too
      then tried to write a poem with nails
      to rake down your skinny thighs like a dog or a boy
      who will never say sorry, but are really only fingers
      that can’t stop the poem from ending
      with the shame of somehow I still miss you.

      from #51 - Spring 2016

      Kelsey Hagarman

      “When I was twelve, my sister and I went on a walk around our neighborhood. A man followed us. Every time I looked into the glass windows of storefronts, his reflection trailed ours. We ran and didn’t stop until we locked our front door. Besides the fear, I remember the wonder that I wasn’t even wearing makeup. As a feminist, I write against gender expectations, to make sense of memories, for myself and any reader who wants to understand the fear and self-loathing of girlhood.”