October 18, 2011And Yet, Another Nature PoemRichard Vargas

maybe it’s me
but when sticking something
up my ass i like to know
what are the ingredients
so imagine my surprise
when flipping over the box
of preparation h and reading
that it consists of 3% shark
liver oil

it’s one thing to end up
fillet’d on some celebrity chef ’s
cooking show who screams
BAM as he orgasmically rubs
you down with rich aromatic
spices

there are worse ways to go
if you know what i mean
like being hunted down
chopped up and processed
as vital organs are wrung and
squeezed for the precious oils
coveted for the relief they provide
a baby boomer’s itchy anal orifice

so the next time you’re
on a cruise
riding the glassy surface of
a calm, romantic sea under
a full Bahaman or Mexican moon
holding your significant other’s
hand as you snuggle on deck
making one of those memories
that will give you comfort in
your old age–

at the same moment just a
few feet below the surface
like a pack of nazi submarines
waiting for the right moment
to strike
they are watching
waiting for you to fall in

don’t flatter yourself
you don’t taste good
for them it’s the practical
thing to do
ripping you apart
just means

one less asshole
in the world
to worry about