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      February 18, 2009Claiming to Be CanadianAndrew Miller

      When they come for you, digging
      in your breast-coat pockets, riffling
      your face with their stares, weeping
      over what the men of your country
      have done to the women of theirs—
      claim to be Canadian, your face
      crimping into a windswept innocence,
      as when a man seeks shelter
      from the Plains of Abraham,
      December’s storms the disguised ghosts of April.
      When they come for you, cross-referencing
      your name against the flight log’s claims
      of nationality in the little cabin
      where once drinks were served—
      describe the winds stealing over Manitoba
      with a grain-like hunger
      all the way to Alberta. Rehash the descent
      into the snow-blind Yukon with the hush
      you have taught your children
      is the blizzard of quiet
      they must observe before sleep.
      The Separatist Question? Acts of Confederation? The War of 1812?
      What have they to do with the rippling shadows of the wings
      reading the Braille of the earth unto the spring?
      You have seen the flocks in the television of your heart, now speak
      of the late green fields loaded with the necks of barnacle geese.
      If this fails, if as the plane banks East,
      and they have grown impatient, tell them how
      it is a nation turning the gun on itself, your Canada.
      Defenseless as a suicide, it huddles around the Pole
      the way a man does the torn limbs of his sanity:
      ten provinces, three territories, sutured into one body
      by ferry boats, trans-continental highways,
      a confederation of contradictions.
      To bring Prince Edward Island into the fold,
      to bring Nova Scotia into the fold,
      to clutch Quebec like a raving lover,
      a man frays around the frozen bay of his skull,
      his soul crying like Henry Hudson cut adrift.
      And still, if this is not enough,
      if the names of cities come unpronounceable to you,
      if, like an encyclopedia, you have whispered too long,
      then, let them pry from you your parents’ names,
      and when they have them, call it Canada
      where your father stands before the idling Dodge
      of his failure, where your mother is naked
      up to her wrists in prayer, where your sister drools
      hour after hour in the dry Toronto of your childhood,
      and you—you wake convinced you were nationalized
      into the wrong tract of houses, schooled
      to sing an anthem that slips from you
      like a hand from a throat.

      from #29 - Summer 2008

      Andrew Miller

      “I live abroad, and, for reasons of family, I have done so since 1999. That means, of course, that I was abroad for 9/11 and that I experienced—with the other American expats that I knew then—the warnings about travel that went out to all Americans overseas. If you live abroad long enough, you lose a sense of belonging in the States. And you never really get one abroad. At least, I haven’t. 9/11 made all that more painfully the case, because, when I did go back to the States in 2002, I found the atmosphere had changed. It wasn’t the country I’d left. People were afraid for me. They warned me not to leave again, even while telling me that they felt sure another attack (worse than 9/11) was coming soon. ‘What would you do,’ asked my family, ‘if you were taken hostage like the Iranian hostages in the 1970s?’ ‘Tell them I was Canadian,’ I joked. It was a joke I repeated again back in Denmark to my expat Canadian friend, Justin Edwards, who my poem is dedicated to. ‘You’ll never pass the test,’ he said. ‘You Americans can’t even name the provinces.’ ‘Sure I can,’ I said. ‘Okay, in which providence is Cavalry?’ he demanded. ‘Ah, British Columbia?’ I said. ‘You’re a dead man.’ From then on, we played the Canada-quiz all the time—he asking, I guessing; until my friend—as so many expat friends do—left this way station for another. You come to live alone abroad. You have your family (I have three small daughters and great wife), but you haven’t got a country really any more. It’s just a bunch of memories and sentiments that haunt your identity—an identity which comes with a U.S. passport, but does not come with a U.S. state of mind. As much as ‘Claiming to be Canadian’ reflects a state of fear and the game that came out of that fear, it also reflects a shifting sense of identity and how that identity seems frail.”