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      December 9, 2019Crayola Has a Contest to Name Its New Color BlueHeather Bell

      Varicose veins after birth. Your hands
      during cancer. My unyielding legs
      during the rape. The beer I dream of.
      The joy I dream of. The sky when you
      said yes, oh yes, I do have
      cancer. And then you said please
      leave me. Leave Me: a good name
      for the color blue. Selling my handguns,
      suicidal thoughts. Eating white rice,
      too sad to make anything different.
      Leave Me: a perfect name for the color
      blue. Arrhythmia. Seizures. The long
      slow terror of a heart rate monitor.
      The way I casually whispered
      Crayola has a contest about a new
      color and you knew it was blue even
      before I said it. You Knew It Was Blue:
      a good name for a color. Because blue
      is sadness but also the most relaxing
      color to paint your walls. Research says.
      A doctor walks in and we joke, blue jokes,
      nothing off limits. The doctor says
      a good name for the color blue
      could be Flatline and I look at my shoes,
      blue laces. It’s Not Funny: an interesting
      name for the color blue. Please Don’t
      Go: a terrible name for the color blue.
      But that’s what you suggested
      so we all laughed and I emailed
      Crayola while crying and
      I feel like there is lightning in my hands
      to make a suggestion like that,
      like the burning smell of death.
      You said isn’t it funny how
      veins look blue under your skin
      but the blood is red when released
      Isn’t It Funny: a name for the color blue.
      The coldness of your feet
      after you’re gone. Your eyelids.
      The weird crust around your
      mouth. The hospital bill, my pen,
      throwing my purse at the doctor
      saying why couldn’t you have
      done anything more. All good names
      for the color blue. A medium blue,
      like Neptune, you said. Just look
      up, it helps to look up. You Laughed:
      a name for the color blue, a real
      winner I think. The release of a heart
      from another heart: just perfect.

      from #65 - Fall 2019

      Heather Bell

      “Once upon a time there was a six-foot-tall woman with blue hair and a sense of smallness. In her house was a teacup saying ‘girl, you got this!’ and on her wall was a kitten hanging from a clothesline. The kitten’s word balloon said something like, ‘Hang in there!’ or ‘Don’t let go!’ Always something with an exclamation mark. Isn’t that the moral of the story, always? There is always a small woman, hiding her grandness, trying to fill up on uplifting wordplay. But today, this small woman sits down and writes a poem in which she details her smallness and why she came to be that way. Another small woman reads it, and from the tip of her hair a fire starts, but just as quickly dies. Isn’t that why we are here? To write another poem for a small woman to read, and then another. Until the amount of sparks are too much for the quick extinguishing, and she is a woman on fire, exploding into the world.”

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