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      August 8, 2021DeltaRachel Mallalieu

      You remember what it was like
      in the early days—
       
      when restaurants sent food
      and churches dropped off
       
      care packages
      Everyone said thank you
       
      & sometimes clapped
      and even when the waves
       
      of patients crashed
      into your emergency room,
       
      you were able to breathe
      Now, you’re so weary,
       
      that when it begins again,
      you can hardly muster
       
      energy to care as
      your vaccine antibodies
       
      engage in combat with
      the squadron of medications
       
      you consume in order to control
      your autoimmune disease &
       
      you hope the antibodies win
      because you’re placing
       
      breathing tubes
      into eager airways again &
       
      when your friends
      don’t get vaccinated,
       
      you take it personally & you
      know this isn’t about you,
       
      but you’re spent, nothing’s
      left & you don’t think
       
      you can watch
      people die alone again
       
      while you hold their iPhones as
      they gasp good bye
       
      You stop kissing your children
      for a little while & you also
       
      update your will
      But on your days off,
       
      you take long hikes and
      walk the ridge
       
      where butterflies flit
      among the milkweed blossoms
       
      You kneel beside a monarch
      & pray that your vaccine holds
       
      as you rest in the shadow
      of its stained glass wings

      from Poets Respond

      "Delta" by Rachel Mallalieu

      “I am an emergency physician who’s been on the front lines of the Covid battle for 18 months. I also developed an autoimmune illness this year, which makes every Covid encounter feel even more dangerous. As spring gave way to summer, it felt like we had turned a corner. I went weeks without seeing cases in my ER. My teen children were vaccinated, and my younger kids went to camp. Suddenly, my ER has multiple Covid patients every shift again. They’re younger, sicker, and some are dying. It is exhausting to be in this battle; we finally have the weapon with which to fight, and some refuse that weapon. These days, I just try to do right by my patients and take care of myself and my family when I’m off.”