May 3, 2021Dirty / Pretty
that little thrill i get / from watching that scene in dirty dancing /
where baby comes to johnny’s room / after saving penny
from the botched abortion /
that little thrill i get / moves like that move they do /
when they start to dance / that dip-swing /
that swayful mirroring / that shake of baby’s curls
that look almost like mine /
that also look like vivian’s in pretty woman /
after the blonde wig leaves forever / releasing hair
that’s some kind of red jungle / spreading and spreading /
a reforestation of herself / against a backdrop of ’80s hits and crones in pearls /
that little thrill i get at her hyena laugh /
in the iconic scene where edward snaps the lid shut
on the quarter-million-dollar necklace /
and suddenly she is a beacon in the hotel lobby /
which isn’t new when you remember the scene /
where they kick her from the dress shop in beverly hills /
just like it isn’t new that
i hear her hyena laugh in mine /
her beacon in mine /
and then i think of how i learned / that i am autistic
from old parenting books on my mom’s shelf /
and how i’m really not like these gals /
whose lovers are played by patrick swayze and richard gere /
who are beacons partly because they’re in love /
and know how to say so
and i think comparatively of how i used to cry /
just telling the bookshelf story to my own lovers /
as if they all knew before i did /
obvious like the laugh / or the curls /
obvious like a watermark
running down the center of me /
well meaning but awkward in shape /
awkward in motion /
how it jerks in parallel to our lover’s body /
endlessly unsure of the steps /
the watermark asks / how to feel safe in the sway and dip and shake /
how to live well under the blanket of strange, tender music /
how to dance the right way in love /
i don’t know how to answer all that /
but i always go back to that scene / to that little thrill i get /
from watching johnny and baby get together /
while the man on the radio asks / if i feel like crying /
and i answer as if i’m there with all of them / i say yeah, man /
but first we need to rewind / give me that mirror one more time /
so i can remember how somebody / wanted to make a movie
about strange women in love / about beacons / shining /
always unwillingly, radiantly shining /
how somebody made these gals / these movies /
in my image /
from #71 - Spring 2021