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      February 22, 2017EngineerPaula Mendoza

      I took it apart.
       
      When it was whole,
      it wasn’t right.
       
      Gaps everywhere, nothing
      locked into place.
       
      I laid out each piece
      on the floor
      in order of how they felt
      in my hand—
       
      their weight, roughness,
      and what I imagined they did
      when once they held together.
       
      This
       
      must have grinded all the rest
      forward, I think,
       
      as I set a gear down,
      third in line.
       
      I don’t know what to do
      with any of them.
       
      It is morning and still cold
      when I walk outside
      with what, inside my fist,
       
      feels smoothest, heaviest—
       
      and knock something living
      out of a tree.
       
      It made a sound,
       
      softer than I would have
      figured a small, furred body,
       
      falling into dirt, might make.
       
      Whole, it wasn’t right.
       
      Apart, lined up against each other,
      they were near enough good.
       
      I left the body
      to be eaten by the stray we named.
       
      Inside lay more pieces
      to find.
       
      For each, some better use.

      from #54 - Winter 2016

      Paula Mendoza

      “I’m lousy with directions and get lost a lot. I feel peculiarly displaced, foreign and far away, anywhere I end up. Reading and writing orients me, fixes me still. I write poetry to find my way home.”