I AM THE SHIT AKA USED TO BE / A BOP
my man slow down
drinking fast gets you high
look at those pitiful brothers across the street
they think shucking and jiving me
will get me to grease their palms with my pension check
i don’t give money to lost causes
or to men whose idea of manhood is holding their dicks
listen i was never a want to be
chump change brother
who’s content to exist
my life isn’t about just getting by
that’s why i served my country to get a free college education
i was an accountant
my man before i retired
i had an office a secretary who only reported to me
i was never on my knees begging
counting chump change
being grateful to exist
getting a woman was never a problem
i’d snap fingers & they’d come running to me
girls were grateful to be touched by my crown jewels
cause i was never on my knees
counting chump change
being grateful to exist
what’s your hurry man
take this ten get you some more brews
i still have a lot of conversating to do
bro what took you so long
you had to make a pit stop
man slow down your drinking or start wearing depends
as i was saying all the women were after me
i decided to plant my seeds in a quiet educated church girl
we couldn’t stay together cause she wanted me anchored to one bed
one woman can’t satisfy me
i sent my kids money twice a month
they grew up in the brownstone i bought
my seeds knew nothing of food stamps welfare checks
you see
i was never on my knees
counting chump change counting brother
grateful to exist
i got to be truthful my son is an ungrateful son of a bitch
he had the guts to tell me i was never around
& i have no idea who he is
i put him through college and he talks crap
my daughter’s different
she sends me cards
answers my calls
least i can do
is to help her pay rent
give her tuition money for my grandkids
you see i was never on my knees
begging to be loved
being satisfied just to exist
i’m tired
got to call my aide
the girl is missing a lot of brain cells
i don’t complain about her
cause i’m afraid her agency will send me someone dumber
listen man take this five
wheel me to my door
you see brother
i was never on my knees begging
i never accepted b.s.
& definitely i’ll never be grateful just to exist
—from Rattle #62, Winter 2018
__________
Denise Bell: “I am a mature published poet and a listener to the woes and joys of people who are shunned and forced to the margins.”
