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      October 23, 2014My Father Asks Me to Kill HimLauren Schmidt

      When our neighbor rolled past,
      or the mold of him, much older
      from amyotrophic lateral sclerosis,
      you noted, over your shoulder, how it’s only
      been a year. A year since he could hear
      his name and nod, a year since he could
      believe in a reason for being here,
      on this beach street, alive, or seeming.
      You looked at me. Something pushed up
      through you like a wave of hooks. You took
      your fingers, your index and middle,
      slid them underneath your chin. Pressed
      deeply, the skin sinking in,
      cocked your thumb, locked and loaded,
      you blew your top off, rocked
      your head back. Your lips popped
      a fake gun. You made me say
      I’d take your days away, your pain,
      you made me say I’d shame you less
      than a disease like ALS. Except, not a weapon.
      Instead, a push down the steps or a deft wrench
      of your neck, a heavy deck to your head.
      I’d drop a drug in your blood, bludgeon
      you till you’re the ruddy muck of you,
      stuff your head in the bathtub till the bubbles
      won’t come. Out of love, father, out of love,
      because you asked me to. I would
      ruin you. Because you asked me to,
      I would ruin you. Because you
      asked me to, because you asked me to.

      Lauren Schmidt

      “I volunteer teaching a weekly poetry workshop at a transitional housing program for homeless mothers. In these sessions, we read poetry, we write poetry, and sometimes, when I’m lucky, I can convince local poets to read their work to the women and talk about why poetry is so essential to survival. And every week something miraculous happens. The women say something they weren’t able to say, or they give themselves permission to feel something they’ve never felt, or they find the kind of validation they need to defend themselves against their difficult circumstances. Over and over again, poetry makes these miracles happen.”

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