Gordon Grilz

REUNION
For Cheryl

For as long as I can remember
I’ve been an outsider
a stranger in my own heart
caught between the way it could have been
and the way it was.

You must have sensed me
thinking of you
in the birch trees on the mountain.
Or did you remember me
dreaming out your window
in the rain?

A hummingbird hovers
on the blossoms
of a giant saguaro
feasting on nectar.

You must have found me
thirsting in the desert
huddled under a paloverde.
Or did you hear me
weeping at the grave
beneath a cloudless sky?

When day becomes night
and we are held
in the twilight of not knowing
if it’s dusk or dawn
our dreams become real
in a half-lit room where
shadows chase each
other around the walls.

A pair of white-winged doves
build their nest on the chain link fence
that separates the prison
from the Sonoran Desert.

I hope you will find it better
to love a man
you cannot be with
than be with a man
you cannot love.

—from Rattle #28, Winter 2007