March 1, 2022Robin Fool and His Disconsolate Men
The snag arose right away: the rich
had troops and portcullises, making it
very risky to rob them. And the poor
were supposed to receive the swag, not
surrender it. So Fool decided they’d
rob the not-so-rich. However, rob them
enough and they become poor. Give
enough to the poor and, after a while,
they become the rich—a dispiriting treadmill.
Alan-a-Dale, the men’s minstrel, tried to
make up a song about it but couldn’t think
of a good lyric. Little John grew morose,
and Friar Tuck doubled his windy prayers.
Fool suggested they get into forest crafts:
whittled whistles and bowls, leaf pillows,
boar-tusk pipe bowls, rabbits’ feet.
“Bowls and pillows, bowls and pillows,”
sang Alan-a-Dale, then faltered. Fool
suggested they could use a catchy slogan.
“Shop here or we kill you,” offered Little John.
They considered, “Don’t settle for that
crappy town stuff when you can buy
from the Merry Men.” “Too long,” muttered
Will Scarlet. “And not all of us are men,”
chimed in Maid Marion. “How about,
‘You wanna buy this?’” Fool suggested.
Though no one saluted when they ran it
up the flagpole, the progeny of King John
and his pal the Sheriff of Nottingham
later weaponized the concept, deploying
the first ad agency, which allowed them
to rob pretty much everybody.
from #74 – Winter 2021