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      November 18, 2014Ruin PornJacqueline Berger

      A woman in a poem wants to be raped
      to have the third child
      she and her husband have both agreed
      they can’t handle or afford.
      Doesn’t fantasize more money or help
      but force, because we’re all sick
      of our ledgers, pros to one side
      cons to the other,
      so being slammed against a wall,
      having the wishbone of her legs pried apart,
      though the poet doesn’t speak of this,
      the strain of muscles that know
      they’re going to lose, being slammed
      has in our rational lives an appeal. 
      We hire out our wild,
      dress him in black, cram
      his head into a ski mask,
      who wraps a handful of our hair
      in his fist, drives us to our knees.
       
      We fondle the details,
      infinite losses a body suffers—
      aneurism, embolism. How many hours
      or days unconscious before death
      slips his gloved hand
      over the mouth and nose,
      ushers one in the dark
      to her seat?
      Easier to talk about
      the leak than the plug,
      what we didn’t intend to lose
      and not how we wanted
      to be filled. 
       
      A friend around the table
      tells a story: a woman
      with a vicious desire—
      coming made her angry—
      died an hour after.
      Odd word, stroke, the tenderness
      of a hand running its length
      over a surface. The opposite
      of strike, a field of flaming poppies
      rising on a cheek.
       
      No one wants to die,
      but no one wants to live forever,
      so how not love the thief
      who favors us with the end?
      We don’t know our lives
      face to face but from behind.
      From a distance,
      shape and meaning.
      In the middle, the picture pulses,
      pinwheels of color.
      We’re showered, struck
      and dumbstruck.

      from #44 - Summer 2014

      Jacqueline Berger

      “It’s kind of exciting, kind of shameful, the feeling we get looking at horrible images, so the theory of ruin porn goes. But expand the definition of arousal, and the pornographic becomes the poetic. We read poetry to be lured from the daily hypnosis by the startle of lyric. As for ruin—loss, grief in its infinite shadings—there’s nothing shameful about being compelled by that which we can’t avoid.”