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      May 17, 2021The Enchantress That Made UsXuan Nguyen

      we try to be good,
      we try so hard to be good.
      but it’s in our nature,
      you can’t change nature,
      trying’s futile,
      so we love, love, love you,
      and we do what our
      maker says.
      she compels us to say,
      what are a few cuts
      where no one can see?
      what is that against a wickedness
      sweeter than we?
      and when you resist,
      rain on our velvet boots,
      a cat that can’t find his way home,
      a night cold as water-chill,
      that which is beloved,
      ruined, ruined like you,
      once godlike in your mind’s dominion
      now diminished
      into the pathetic nothing
      you always knew you were
      we are only making you
      what you were meant to be.
      little less than us,
      but more than we.

      from #71 - Spring 2021

      Xuan Nguyen

      “Five years ago, I was diagnosed with schizoaffective disorder, depressive subtype, which my psychiatrist described to me as ‘schizophrenia and depression.’ I wrote these poems during the second major wave of psychosis, when the antipsychotic medication I had been on had stopped working and before I had found one that still worked. Part of my issue, I realize now, was distinguishing between psychosis and dissociative identity disorder, which only recently came to light between me and my therapist. Some of the voices and presences I wrote about in my poetry were actually nascent alters, I realize now.”

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