Arthur McMaster

THINGS TO PONDER ABOUT THE SOUTHERN BAPTIST

We have to wonder what they do for fun—
so admirably disciplined and stern.
You know of course you may not dance with one.

The smartest of them learn to speak in tongues
reciting bible verses they have learned.
We have to wonder what they do for fun—

fearful they’ll be sent to hell to burn.
You know of course you may not dance with one.
Perhaps they’d take a flute of chilled Sauterne?

Might they frolic naked ’neath the sun
where I once boffed a girl from Inyokern?
We have to wonder what they do for fun

and if their piety is overdone?
Could they fudge their year-end tax return?
You know of course you may not dance with one.

So admirably disciplined and stern,
perhaps they’d take a flute of chilled Sauterne?
We have to wonder what they do for fun.
You know of course you may not dance with one.

—from Rattle #39, Spring 2013
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