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      November 28, 2017Touring the B-17 Bomber at the Palm Springs Air MuseumAlexandra Umlas

      a golden shovel after Randall Jarrell

      They climb a slender ladder. From
      stitched-together metal, my
      daughters disappear into the plane, a mother’s
      intuition wanting them to sleep
      longer in their not knowing. I
      want to conceal how people fell
      from the sky, how bombs glided into
      their targets, how it happened in the
      daylight, so everything hit. This State,
      the state of being and of war. And
      when they go further into the fortress, I
      can no longer hear their hunched
      tunneling. No oxygen masks needed in
      this controlled air museum; its
      planes are still. We are in the belly
      of the third hanger, learning till
      we are sick with statistics. My
      eyes want to look away, wet
      with sadness, with the soft fur
      of faces that burned or froze.
      My girls sit in the jump seats. Six
      feet from ground, not miles
      like the eight to ten men from
      the past who flew this earth
      in these planes, men loosed
      into war, one man who crawled from
      somewhere in this turret, from its
      curved surface, with the dream
      of getting home, with the want of
      oxygen, and warmth and life,
      someone’s son, someone’s, I
      know this from Jarrell, how a man woke
      into death. How am I to
      explain these images of black
      smoke trailing, or the definition of flak
      or anti-anything? My girls and
      their enthusiastic guide pause at the
      plane’s plexiglass womb. Its nightmare
      nested only the smallest fighters.
      A single man curled knee to chin. When
      my children emerge intact, I
      hear the guide state how many died
      but later, the girls tell me they
      loved the plane, over washed
      hair and brushed teeth, tell me
      how some men were thrown out
      because of their wounds, of
      how their friends deployed the
      parachutes, about the turret
      and its smallness, tell me with
      smiles, still unaware of what remains: a
      poem, a person, a mess, a hose.

      from Poets Respond

      Alexandra Umlas

      “This weekend we toured a B-17 bomber at the Palm Springs Air Museum. My children took the tour with a guide, who walked them through the plane. I waited outside, staring at the Ball Turret of the plane. The idea of war has been in the news a lot lately, but the idea of war is different than the reality of war. I never paid too much attention to the poem ‘The Death of the Ball Turret Gunner’ (the entirety of the poem makes up the last word in each line) until today, when confronted with an actual Ball Turret and imagining a real person curled up inside. I hope my kids never know the reality of war. I hope war stays only as an idea—something abstract—part of our history. This is my attempt at a “Golden Shovel” poem that digs even though it doesn’t want to dig and tries to remember even the things I don’t want to remember.”