hey girl/ so I keep taking Milo to the pool/ he’s on the swim team now/ level one/ he’s still learning to blow bubbles and float and breathe/ while he swims I swim/ freestyle and breaststroke and butterfly/ and/ I’m learning to breathe too/ learning to breathe/ seems like it should be easy/ but it’s like/ like learning to walk/ like learning to blink/ learning to look at someone and know that you love them/ like learning to pick up the pieces/ after that person disappears/ I always pick up the pieces/ get my son to the pool on time/ the dentist on time/ the doctor on time/ school on time/ I am on time/ I’m learning how to breathe/ and every breath is ten thoughts right now/ isn’t that just how it works sometimes?/ sometimes a breath is just a breath and/ sometimes it’s everything/ you can do to inhale without drowning/ but at the end of my swim/ he comes through the double doors toward me/ running the way you run when you can’t run by the pool/ to stand over me/ where I’m waiting after finishing my lap/ and my watch is counting down to the next repetition/ the next series of strokes through the sterile blue/ the next exhalation of everything I’ve got into bubbles and motion/ and I’m inhaling the scent of chlorine like it’s peace/ and there he is/ smiling like he’s won the lottery because it’s the end of the lesson and he/ gets to swim/ with his mom/ and girl, I gotta tell you/ in that moment/ I don’t have to think/ about breathing.